Overview
by strayphoenix
Summary: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away called New York, two idiots fell in love. Despite it being completely obvious to the rest of the PLANET, these two bozos didn’t realize that they were hot for each other until one of them almost DIED. Continued!
1. Kurt

**_Overview_**

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away called New York, two idiots fell in love. Despite it being completely obvious to the rest of the PLANET, these two bozos didn't realize that they were hot for each other until one of them almost DIED. This is the cliff-notes version.

First there was Jean Grey. Actually, GOD came before Jean and billions of other things like Ronald Reagan, Richard the Lion-Hearted, and my SUPER OLD DOG but let's skip over all of them for now.

Jean was a bright young girl but was totally STUPID when it came to love. She was a gorgeous babe so she was really hard to get.

Scott Summers is our other idiot. He was a STIFF when it came to love and LIFE. The large stick shoved up his ASS prevented him from having any social life.

You can call this a Romeo and Juliet story but I'd like to call it a TALE OF TWO TWITS.

Anyway, these two were so utterly BLIND that they started dating OTHER people. Jean started going out with a DICKHEAD with a shoe size bigger than his IQ and Scott started dating a Brunette chic whom I will swear up and down was a total BLOND BITCH underneath the hair dye.

After Jean had a complete MENTAL BREAKDOWN and almost KILLED US ALL, Scott and Jean got closer but they still weren't f---ing.

After being stranded in Mexico by Mystique my DERANGED, PSYCO, and COMPLETELY HOMICIDAL **MOTHER,** Jean came to save is ass and the stick that was UP IT.

She found him half-dead and half-NAKED. On the way back, they KISSED but they still weren't in BED which, in case you haven't noticed, is the whole GOAL.

In the weeks that followed, they KISSED and CUDDLED but all that is GAY so I'll skip ahead.

Finally, Scott stopped being a BOOB and asked Jean to MARRY him. Jean, crying out of pity for his desperateness to get her in BED, said YES.

THE END.

* * *

"Well? What do you think?" Kurt asked proudly.

Scott and Jean stared at him and the paper in disgust.

"No"

"Oh, c'mon!"

"No, Kurt! We are not going to hand this out at our wedding! Most of it isn't true!" Jean exclaimed.

"It is so true!" Kurt insisted.

"Kurt" Scott said as he threw an arm around Jean, "We're getting married because we're in love"

"But that's so sissy!"

"Fine, but we're still not using it. I'll ask Kitty to write something for the speech"

And with that they left the room, probably having a discussion in their head. Kurt grumbled and put the paper away in a drawer.

"Twits" he murmured.

* * *

It think I used every swear and/or bad word in my vocabulary in this story. No, wait…

Sh--.

OK, NOW I used every bad word in my vocabulary.

Enjoy and I hope you find this funny.


	2. Kitty and Rogue

Wow. I didn't think it would be THAT much of a hit. Sorry for underestimating you guys. I think I broke some sort of personal record with this story. Anyway, because it takes me 10 minutes to write and because you wanted to see Kitty's speech, I'm going to turn this into a mini-story, probably with only like 3 or 4 chapters, though. It's going to be sort of stereotypical, like Mrs. Jean Grey-Summers' "All the World's a Stage". Here's, like, Kitty and Rouge.

* * *

OK! So, like, a few years, like, back, when I was, like, younger, I met, like, Scott and Jean! 

I knew, like, at once that they were, like, soooooooooooooooooooooo cute together! It like, didn't matter that Scott could be like, really mean and a, like, total loser some, like, times and that Jean was, like, popular. It was so like Romeo and, like, Juliet!

So, like, anyways they didn't, like, know it! Jean started dating this, like, jock, whom was a real, like, jerk like that good-for-nothing, bastard Lance and Scott started, like, dating Jean's, like, best friend! Like, what bee-atch!

Then Jean, like, completely, like, flipped out on us! She literally almost, like, killed us! And Scott, like, saved her! It was sooooooooooooooooooooo, like, romantic!

And what's even more, like, romantic, is that they developed a, like, telepathic thingie! They could, like, feel each other wherever they, like, were! I'm, like, glad I, like, don't have that with, like, Lance! It would be torture if I, like, had to live with that son-of-a-bee-atch in, like, the back of my, like, head, like.

ANYways, after being stranded in, like, Mexico, by like, Kurt's, deranged, psyco and, like, completely homicidal , like, mother, Jean went to, like, save him!

And he was, like, "Jean!" and she was like, "Scott!" and he was, like, "Jean!" and she was like, "Scott!" and he was, like, "Jean!" and she was like, "Scott!" and then they were, like SMOOCHES!

And then he was all, like, "Marry me!" and she was all like, "Yes!" and they were, like, married!

Like, The End.

* * *

"So…do you, like, like it?" Kitty asked giddily.

Scott and Jean eyed each other. "We'll get back to you Kitty"

"No, like, problem!"

"But, Kitty? Would it be too much to ask if you could keep your relationship problems out of our wedding?"

Kitty gave Scott an icy look and left the room with a scoff. Jean sighed and turned to Rouge who was sitting on her bed doing homework with her iPod on.

"Rouge, would you write a speech for our wedding?" Jean asked her politely.

"Scott and Jean met, fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after. The end" she said not looking up and in a monotone voice.

Scott rolled his eyes and Jean said sarcastically, "Thanks, Rogue. That was really deep. I was almost reduced to tears"

"Don't mention it" Rogue said, also sarcastically, as she pressed the play button on her iPod and the Evanescence music resumed. Scott and Jean sighed and left the room.

"So, who's next?" Jean asked Scott as Scott pulled out his list and crossed out two more names.

"Let's go see Ororo. Then, hopefully, we won't have to go any further down this list"

"Hope we must" Jean said with a twinge of fear as she looked at the names on the list below Ororo.


	3. The Teachers

**Overview 3**

About three years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Scott and Jean for the first time.

From the moment I met them, I knew they were special. I could also tell from the moment I met them that they were in love.

Scott was a born leader who always cared about others. Jean was a lively and lovely young woman and they were both meant for each other. It seems just yesterday that they were still struggling with their powers and now they're getting married and I'm going to miss them so much and…and…

* * *

Ororo stopped writing and fell upon her piece of paper crying.

"They're growing up so fast!" she wailed as her body convulsed with sobs.

Scott eyed her with confusion. He awkwardly walked foreword and patted her shoulder.

"There, there, Ororo. It's all right" he said, trying to be comforting.

"No it's not!" was her strangled response as she continued crying. A small thundercloud appeared over her head and it began raining on her hair.

"Right then" Scott said eyeing her and then signaling to Jean that they should leave. "We'll give you some time to yourself"

Scott quietly closed the door after ushered Jean out. Then he re-took out his list and put a line through Ororo's name.

"Shoot" he muttered "I was sure Ororo would make the perfect speech"

He looked up at Jean as he said the last thing. Imagine his surprise to see her crying too.

"Oh, Scott (sniff)…it **was** the perfect speech!"

She threw herself into his arms crying. Scott held her but stared at her, bewildered. Suddenly, a though came to him and he checked his watch which had the month and day. He let out an 'ah' as it clicked.

He held her for a few minutes until she stopped crying. When she did, she looked up at him and she was just as normal as she was before Ororo.

"All right" she said, "whose next on the list?"

Slightly scared at his fiancé's sudden transformation, Scott produced the list from his pocket. "Hank" he said after scanning through it.

"Then what are we waiting for?" she asked him as she grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall way to the elevator that went down to the lab.

"Hank!" Jean called upon arriving. She didn't have to look long however as Hank dropped down from the ceiling upsidedown.

"Hello, Jean" he smiled. He dropped to his feet and continued, "What can I do for you?"

Jean took hold of Scott's hand. "Could you write something for our wedding? You know, about how we met and fell in love?"

"Of course, Jean" he said as he turned his back on them to finish up his experiment.

"However," he said, not looking at them, "it's not really love. It's really the reaction of chemicals in your brain that react to the chemical smell of the other that releases endorphins in your brains making you happy that make you feel like your in love. Like back in Shakespeare's day and the Middle Ages, no one showered so no one could pick up the scent of the other people that's why there was no love back then and…"

He finally turned back around after putting his test tube in the freezer to find that he was alone.

"Scott? Jean?" he asked, looking around.

* * *

Scott and Jean were back in the living room and Scott was crossing out yet another name on his list.

"**That** would have been an interesting wedding speech" he said sarcastically.

"What would've?" Logan asked as he appeared midway down the stairs, motorcycle keys at hand..

"What? Oh! Nothing" he responded quickly. Jean looked from Logan to her nervous Scott.

>Ask Logan, Scott> she sent to him.

>I don't think he'll do it> was his nervous response.

>Please?>

>Ugh, fine. I'll ask him>

"Logan?" Scott said. The short Canadian turned around to look at the couple.

"What?"

Scott took a deep breath. "Will you write a speech for our wedding?"

Logan's response was almost immediate.

"Trust me, bub, if it was up to me, you wouldn't **be **getting married"

"Right, then" Scott said fearfully, quickly leading Jean towards the kitchen, in the opposite direction of Logan.

"Told you" Scott said when they had reached the safety of the kitchen.

"You shouldn't be so scared, Scott. He's probably just upset that we didn't chose him to be our best man" Jean reasoned as she opened the fridge.

"He's probably upset we even **need **a best man…" Scott grumbled. However, suddenly his face lit up.

"Of course! Why didn't I think about it before!"

"What?" Jean asked. Scott grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the kitchen and back up the stairs to the rooms.

* * *

So, whose Scott thinking of?

…Well, I'm not going to tell you! Stay tuned!


End file.
